Tag Archives: personal growth

Processing Down Under

26 Nov

Greetings from Australia. I’m in a beautiful valley in the bush of New South Wales where I have joined a team of volunteers at a retreat center. We work long hours expanding the retreat center and spend the rest of our waking time together in practices for personal and spiritual development. At this point it is 4 weeks since I arrived here and it feels like a good time to reflect and share some of my experiences and insights with you.

Our group here consists of eleven people—9 volunteers and 2 leaders. As we are half an hour driving distance away from the next town there are no distractions. The only other living beings we meet are kangaroos, wallabies, lizards, exotic birds such as colorful parrots and the mythic looking lyrebird, and every once in a while a cow or an echidna. The eleven of us constitute the human faction of this ecosystem and we are family, colleagues, friends, and mentors for each other. We spend 15-16 hours together every day, except on Sundays when the official program ends at 2pm.

How long has it been for you since you spent 15+  hour days with a group of 11 people? For me, it’s been almost 40 years. Frankly, as someone with a nervous system that is easily overloaded, I am surprised how well I have been doing. But don’t get the wrong impression–it has been amazing and it has been hard. In summary, the first week was about arriving and adjusting and I constantly struggled to keep up. The second week my nervous system frequently shut down making it impossible to track where certain things were. I lost my phone (most importantly functioning as an alarm), all kinds of paraphernalia such as sunglasses and protective safety glasses, and even my toothbrush. All of this caused more stress, irritated people around me, and made me more vulnerable. I had an emotional mini-collapse when, within the span of 5 minutes, three people addressed me with criticism or had a tense tone in their voice. The third week I had to contend with physical pain (lower back pain, something totally new to me), and the fourth week I spent facing some of my less charming traits mirrored in a person I was teamed up with. Lots of opportunities for struggle and for growth and transformation!

Here in a nutshell is what I’ve learned so far:

Always add at least 1 mm wiggle room when building something for a 3-dimensional fit.
My vulnerability allows others to understand my process.
The deeper I allow myself to feel, the bigger the potential for transformation.
Defiance is a mechanism that walls me off from others.
Rigidity and the wish to control are rooted in fear.
Kindness toward others generates ease and engenders kindness.
Gentleness, kindness, and generosity are the most powerful tools. They melt the heart.
Surrender and trust are cosmic superpowers that draw in higher support.

Time to go and join my team and experience another adventure of a very human kind.

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Stop comparing yourself to others

27 Feb

Recently, i heard a photographer say: “Stop comparing yourself to others. If you compare yourself you will ALWAYS lose.” She was talking about marketing and addressing other photographers and artists. But i think that what she said is true for everyone.

We are trained to compete and live up to other people’s standards. And we are trained to look for perfection. BUT: as long as we chase an abstract ‘perfect’ we neglect to look at who we truly are. We invest in where we will fail, as opposed to where we will shine.

We all are unique. There is no one else like you in the entire universe. But as long as you look to be perfect and measure it on someone who is not you, you dismiss yourself. As long as ‘perfect’ is measured on something outside of you, you will fail to become the unique you you are meant to be. Think of it as copying on a xerox machine. What is better, the original or its copy?

Comparing yourself is a default. You were trained to do so. It’s natural and most have made it their second nature.  Plus, it is easier to look outside of yourself for orientation.

It takes a lot of courage to be yourself. Not only do you need to cultivate the ability to listen carefully inside, you also need ways to face self doubt. You need to see with clarity what is fear, self-sabotage, and plain old habit. And yet, once you embark on the path of being you the reward is phenomenal.

Learn to be yourself. Learn to love yourself truly. Instead of spending hours, days, years, to become someone else, use your time and put it toward what is close to your heart. Follow your passion, live your purpose.

Stop the comparison game. Stop putting all your resources into becoming what you are not. Start to explore and honor your unique self, acknowledge yourself for who you are, and embrace what makes you special. You came into this life to be uniquely you. That’s where you will find inner and outer rewards.

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This might be difficult. Remember that you are going against a life-time of habit. If you experience difficulties, don’t be discouraged. Instead, consider getting help. Let me help  you be more yourself and discover a life of joy and ease. Click here to read more about my transformational approach and here to send me an email.

© Eva Ruland, February 2017

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What color is your blossom?

31 Mar

Spring has started with sunshine and a show of lush green and the first blooms. It is as if nature put on a perfect show to teach us a lesson—that we are at our best when we show our innate beauty, that which makes us unique.

Spring is a celebration of new possibilities and of differences. Flowers come in different colors and shapes, and so do humans. Some of us are high endurance people, others are sprinters; some of us have a firm grasp on facts, and others are more ethereal and easily travel into the realm of imagination. I see us all as unique flowers, contributing to the beautiful tapestry of life.

Spring is your time to embrace your uniqueness and celebrate it. It’s the time to get yourself out and show yourself in your you-ness. What is your unique color? What does your blossom look like?

I offer 3 different ways of supporting you in making strides toward being yourself more fully.

– Coaching. In this completely individualized approach the focus is on you, where you’re at and where you want to be. Coaching supports and guides you in taking a new kind of  responsibility, that of agency. This is the deepest approach to self-discovery and has lasting effects. Ready for a life-changing journey? Read more here or contact me.

– Midlife Alchemy group. I guide you and the group through a transformative process of self exploration using writing and imagery. Sharing in the group creates a community and accelerates insights. A new midlife alchemy group will start in May. http://evaruland.com/MidlifeAlchemy

– SoulCollage group/workshop. I guide you in the process of connecting with your soul through images. This is a quick+easy approach to self-discovery. Repeated participation is highly recommended. Check out dates and sign up: http://evaruland.com/soulcollage.html

All 3 approaches have specific benefits and lead you to experience profound change in how you see yourself and your world. They work well in tandem—the more attention and time you invest the faster you’ll see change.

If you need help deciding on where to start, contact me. We’ll talk about it and i will help you choose what’s best for you right now.

Happy spring!

© Eva Ruland, March 2016

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Inner Beauty Never Fades

26 Jan

INNER BEAUTY NEVER FADES — Or does it? Sadly, it can fade away and often does. But, differently from outer beauty, inner beauty can be completely restored.

Recently, i listened to a talk which the speaker began by saying “I want to make one thing clear: i am absolutely, amazingly awesome,” and he featured a big grin. Then he continued with a smile “and here is one more thing: you are too.” He was talking about being in touch with your inner sense of belonging, with the feeling that you are loved and utterly lovable that lets your inner beauty shine out into the world bright and clear.

Sun Sheperdess by Julie Dillon
Detail of the painting Sun Shepherdess by Julie-Dillon. http://www.juliedillonart.com/

Imagine the spark in a toddler’s eyes. Remember how their eyes glow? They reflect the shine of adventure, the joy at every discovery, and the sheer insatiable hunger for new experiences that can freely develop when you are young, innocent, and feel loved. I saw this glow in the eyes of my 2 year old niece when i last visited Germany. Frankly, i was surprised at how much she charmed me. She was just turning 2 and her life was a big, fun adventure.

Then i thought back and remembered the charm of her mother, my 12-year-younger baby sister. She glowed too when she was little. But when she was my niece’s age, the first big shadows descended upon her. My father’s stroke shook up all of our lives. All of a sudden, life did not continue the way we were used to. The biggest factor that indicated that something was off was the fact that our mother was rarely home and when she was, she was tired, bent by worry. Even though my sister was only 2, and all us older siblings doted over her, she, like the rest of us, could not ignore that something upsetting had happened, something that stole our mother’s peace. All of a sudden, the solid rock of our family, was shaken with one parent being on the brink of death and the other scared and utterly overwhelmed at the vision of her future as a single mom of five, the youngest 2 and the oldest 14. As it turned out, my father was to live for 5 more years, however not as his former self, but as an ailing, incapacitated man who needed more care than any of us children. This change shows in family photos—mostly the lack thereof—and in the photos of my sister’s early childhood. She lost her innocent trust in life very early.

However, you don’t have to lose or nearly lose your father as a young child in order to lose your trust in life, and perhaps in yourself. Too many restrictions, or too many obligations, can do the same thing. If you are constantly reminded that you cannot do such and such because you are too small or because it is not safe, or if you are burdened with too many responsibilities too early, you lose some of your innocent shine. And you lose even more when you don’t feel loved.

Let’s take a moment and look at restrictions and also at moral stories. These can cross our path in the form of a relative or a teacher. There might have been an aunt who always knew how to stop you in your tracks with a blood curdling story or a warning. When i was small we had an old book, from the late 1800s, with admonishing stories for children. I still remember the horror i experienced at the story of Suppenkasper, a boy who did not like his soup—just like me—and refused to eat it. The rhyme said that “on day seven he was dead ” and the illustration showed him getting thinner and thinner every day, and on day seven you only saw a grave with a cross. I hope most of you were spared those kind of stories. But there might have been a pseudo well-meaning doomsayer in your environment who always had to point out that you couldn’t possibly expect to be loved if you continued to do such and such. They would probably end on a notion such as “You better be a good child.” Most of us can’t ignore their need to be loved and liked—as a child or as an adult. So, we begin to compromise our truth for the sake of pleasing someone.

After years (and decades) of pleasing others, you might not even be able to clearly hear your own inner voice anymore. It has been dimmed—and with it your inner glow has dimmed. BUT, it is never to late to liberate yourself from old internalized pressures and stories, and begin to reconnect with your own truth. In the beginning, it might be hard to hear the thin voice inside you. Everybody else’s voice has had their free run for such a long time and shouted over your own inner voice. And even harder than to retrain yourself to hear your inner voice is it to choose it when it means going against the wish (or the domineering bullying) of someone else. But, it can be done.

Here are some ideas for those who feel they want to start tackling their transformation.

• Start imagining yourself already at your goal: in your center, feeling amazing.
• Try to see yourself do all the things that you are passionate about. Allow yourself this vision and allow yourself to enjoy it.
• In your thought experiment, give yourself full permission to please yourself. Step into your truth. See yourself do things your way.
• See yourself literally or metaphorically skip joyfully through your day.
• See your new glow radiate out.
• Love yourself with all your might.
• Bring this vision into your day-to-day life. Try to implement one thing at a time.
• Become your own advocate.
• When you look into the mirror, smile at yourself.

This might be really difficult. Remember that you are going against a life-time of habit. If you experience difficulties with any of the above, don’t be discouraged. Instead, consider getting help. Depending on where you’re at, choose a therapist, or choose a transformational coach. I love this kind of deep work. With my help you will not only find out what is truly meaningful to you. You will also learn to take incremental steps that lead you to live your life in sync with your inner truth. This will tease out your inner beauty, and along-side, you will discover a life of joy. Click here to read more about my transformational approach and here to send me an email. Let’s reawaken your inner beauty, shall we?

© Eva Ruland, January 2015

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Awe + Wonder

9 Dec

Awe is a state beyond happiness. It puts you right into a state of bliss. You feel humbled and utterly grateful to be alive. The present moment is experienced as filled with an overwhelmingly beautiful wonder. When you are in a state of awe, happiness is not a question. Awe expands happiness into unknown dimensions.

I bet you have experienced awe and wonder in some form when you were a child. A moment that comes to mind for me is coming into our living room after dark on Christmas eve and seeing the huge Christmas tree (which, I knew, had been brought in that afternoon) alight with candles and sparklers in the otherwise dark room. My father sat at the piano and both my parents were leading us in singing Christmas carols. I could sense the proximity of the Christ child who, according to the legend we were told, had just been visiting with my parents to drop off presents. In my state of awe it all made sense; i could feel the presence of the divine. It manifested in blissful, speechless elation.

Nature can inspire awe.

Nature can inspire awe.

But you don’t have to be religious or a believer, or a child, to experience awe. Let me give you another example. I experience awe when i see an amazing performance, am in the presence of art that speaks to me, or hear music that resonates with something deep inside me. I remember going with a friend to visit an artist in his impressively big, almost palatial, artist’s studio, in the center of Berlin. At some point I realized that this was not a typical visit. I felt the presence of something tremendous. It was the combination of the more than life-size mysterious art, twilight-like lighting, and a entrancing song from Goretzky’s symphony #3 that touched my soul. I felt transported into a place of bliss that was almost unreachable, a diaphanous and fragile state, that felt like it would vanish at any moment, yet it was there and I was in it in that moment.

It seems to me that the key to my experience in that moment was letting go of control and of judgement. I allowed myself to take in the magic of the place, the art, the music, the unusual conversation. I was there to experience, and i did not have to be in charge of anything. Control is the anathema to awe. The more control we have the less we can experience awe.

How to cultivate AWE

Awe is something that comes to you, not something you can generate. Yet all it takes to feel the wonder of a moment is an open mind, the kind of inner attitude that Buddhists call beginner’s mind. If you can cultivate an open mind you are cultivating an aptitude for awe. You can train yourself to be more predestined to experience awe. Being open is the key, but how do you become more open?

– Try letting go of preconceived notions of what things, situations and people are and how they are supposed to be.

– Allow yourself to be curious. Try looking at the world with fresh eyes. Take in colors and shapes as if you have never seen colors or shapes before. Go out for walks and discover the wonders of nature. Visit galleries and open up to being drawn in by art. Let go of the notion that you have to understand everything.

– Take time to just be, without anything scheduled. In our hectic lives that is oftentimes not easy to do. But you can give yourself small windows of time throughout the day. For example, park your car 3 blocks from where you’re going and walk with your eyes wide open. Look at the people and dogs, cats, and birds; take in the front gardens around you. Look into people’s eyes without judging them.

– If you’re philosophically inclined, contemplate the odds of atoms joining to molecules and dancing in just the right way to create a tree, a child, a bird. Ponder the mystery of life perpetuationg itself: for the tree to grow seeds that generate new trees; for the child to be born and protected for years before it becomes an adult and has children of its own; for the bird to lay a fertile egg and create a new bird. Bow to the miracle of life. Cultivate reverence.

– Shed the stale mantle of “been there, done it.” Jadedness and cynicism are certain poison to awe. Tune into the amazing symphony of coincidences that were and are necessary to create the world around you and your life in it. Allow yourself to be receptive to the sense of awe and wonder that nature, life, and the ingenuity of ideas and art, can inspire.

Tune into Awe mode and get a head start on your journey to happiness.

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Any change takes awareness and discipline – most of us struggle with at least one of the two. It’s certainly easier to grow with the support and guidance of a teacher, coach or mentor. If you would like to explore working with me and getting me on your support team, contact me at eva_at_evaruland.com.

© Eva Ruland, December 2013

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The Magic in Gratitude

1 Nov

In contemporary Western culture, the idea of gratitude is something that we draw attention to only once a year, on that third Thursday of November. The other 364 days are filled with achievement, desire, and gratification to accomplish all of the things that others want and expect from us. In the busy-ness of everyday life, we are left with little time and inclination to pause and contemplate gratitude.

In Buddhism, gratitude—along with other attitudes of the heart, such as generosity and kindness—is considered one of the eight paths to happiness. And, as far as I can tell, this is grounded in solid experience of the human psyche. It took me some navigating to fully commit to and understand the power of gratitude apart from the polite “thank you.” But being polite has rather little to do with the authentic, or heart-centered, feeling of giving thanks.

Gratitude collage

Gratitude collage reflecting my summer visit to Germany

I first started experimenting with gratitude when my world felt rather glum. The idea was to use gratitude to bring light into a dim situation. Did it work? Yes, it did.

 

What did I do?

Every night before I settled into bed, I created a gratitude list in my journal. When you’re feeling glum, it is not easy to come up with anything positive for which to give thanks. Nevertheless, you can uncover basic gifts of your existence:

Today, I am grateful for making it through another day.

Today, I am grateful for having a house/apartment to shelter me.

There are so many things to be grateful for: your life; your body; the use of your arms, hands, feet, legs; the sun that shines; the rain; the food you eat; a random friendly smile; the friend you talked to; the seasons; nature….. As your outlook gets lighter, gratitude tends to flow more easily.

Gradually the darkness in my soul and my gratitude list became more playful — I began to notice the songs of the birds. And as my awareness for the positive grew, I began to see the light again. Eventually i turned my mind to the possibility of a positive future. And, voila, it unfolded. My experiment proved that gratitude has nothing to do with any outer situation or riches. It is an inner attitude.

Recently, I conducted a second gratitude project. This time, it was not about me but about others. Because i knew from own experience that gratitude has a tremendous power to transform I wanted to share in order to inspire others to try out a gratitude practice for themselves. I began posting a daily gratitude thought on Facebook. The response exceeded my expectations. Many shared the things they were grateful for as comments on my wall. Others started posting their own gratitude thoughts on their Facebook walls to share with their friends. In a short time there was an entire wave of gratitude sweeping through my corner of Facebook. I received notes from people saying they were looking forward to finding my daily gratitude posts and adding their own. Others thanked me for the inspiration to post their gratitude. My hope that others would follow my example and post something they were grateful for was more than rewarded. Then came the real surprise. After engaging in this public gratitude practice for about five months, I began to notice that I was much happier than I had been, and for no ‘real’ reason. I had not moved to my dream house, and the world at large was still not at peace. All that had changed was that I had picked up on my old gratitude practice again. There it was, confirming once again: A gratitude practice leads to more happiness. And doesn’t it make so much sense? Focusing on the good lifts the spirit and contributes to an overall sense of positivity and so enhances our happiness.

 

Try it for yourself.

Gratitude 101: All you need is a journal or notebook, or, if you prefer to do it publicly and inspire others as well, a Facebook wall. Choose one time every day to think about what you are grateful for. I recommend doing it either first thing in the morning or last thing at night, but it can be done any time of day with consistency. It takes only a couple of minutes. Write down at least one item (or create a list of things) for which you are grateful. Commit to doing it for at least 4 months. Soon enough, you’ll notice how you reap more happiness!

Gratitude 102: If you have a practice of sharing meals with your partner, children, or colleagues, suggest focusing on positive experiences and thoughts over the meal. Share your gratitude and invite them to share theirs. And do this not just on Thanksgiving. The positive will beget more positivity!

© Eva Ruland, November 2013

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Why SoulCollage?

12 Oct

Have you ever wondered why I as a transformational coach offer SoulCollage® workshops? It is because SoulCollage® is a highly accessible and effective tool for transformation. SoulCollage® is a vehicle into the soul: an opportunity to give voice to all of who we are. Doing so we become more aware of our complexities, and ultimately we become more whole. We become the person we are meant to be.

3 soulcollage cards from the September workshop

3 soulcollage cards from the September workshop

SoulCollage® is a creative psycho-spiritual system that allows us to discover ourselves at our own pace, one card at a time. It meets each of us exactly where we are—it does not over-challenge nor under-challenge. Each card contributes to a more complete picture of who we are. SoulCollage® honors the personal, archetypal, energetic and spiritual dimensions of our being. The result of practicing SoulCollage® is psychological wholeness, self-acceptance, inner peace, and balance. I highly recommend SoulCollage®. For me, SoulCollage® is the easiest, most effective way to go deep. Come and check it out. Please contact me if you have questions.

To find a SoulCollage® workshop visit www.evaruland.com/soulcollage.html

These are two different ways to experience SoulCollage®. The Sunday workshop gives you a taste of this powerful practice. The newly forming group which meets twice a month for 3 months allows you to deepen your practice. In both the workshop and the group we will create cards and share them by giving voice to the elements of the cards. As an added bonus of coming to the group you will make strides toward developing your SoulCollage® deck. Having  a SoulCollage® deck is like having your own personalized super tarot deck. — No artistic background needed. Come and enjoy this process that is powerful yet easy to practice.

© Eva Ruland, October 2013

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